Figting the Good Fight

I was doing my quiet time this morning and this passage in John really jumped out at me:

"Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, 'I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life.' " -John 8:12

I have this silly confession. When I was a kid (and every once in a while) I was afraid of the dark. I would lie awake at night thinking something was going to jump out from under my bed and get me (thank you mom and dad for letting me watch Predator, Terminator, and other scary movies before the age of six). Now I'd thought I had grown out of this, but apparently not. The new living situation has me jumping at unknown noises. This is not the way that Jesus intends me to live life. He wants me to dwell in the light, -not fearing the unknown or the dark. This not only applies to my little (haha) fear of the dark; it begs the question: what is darkness? Now I don't have my greek key work Bible with me now, but I was thinking about me personally: Could darkness be negativity? Maybe sarcasm? And probably, definitley fear.

And the last part of the verse hit me hard: "...because you will have the light that leads to life." The word leading reminded me to headlights on a car. Am letting the Word light my path, am I following the light, or letting fear trip me up and keep me in the dark...away from life abdundant?

We had a guest speaker Tuesday Night who showed a clip for Gladiator (which of course made me want to watch the rest of the movie). He showed the part before Maximus was betrayed, where he is talking to his troops before the battle with the German Tribes and says, "What we do in this life echoes in eternity." I still want to fight the good fight in this life, it's worth it. And in order to do that, I need to dwell in the light and leads to life.

I want to echo loudly. God is good :) He'll help me get there.

31 of My Favorite Things

I decided to take Miss Van Dycke's challenge and list my favorite 31 things, in no particular order:
1. Chocolate
2. Sitting in fron of a fire place, on a rainy day, reading a good book
3. Television on DVDs
4. Quality time
5. Words of affirmation
6. Snickers
7. Starbursts
8. Long distance calls from friends
9. Cards & Letters
10. Jasmine
11. Lipgloss
12. The Bible
13. Russia
14. Organizing things
15. Dachsunds
16. Pizza, Italian Food
17. Greek Food
18. Road Trips
19. Traveling
20. Being challenged
21. Laughing
22. Cello Music
23. Soccer
24. Folktales & Mythology
25. Sunsets
26. Discussing Shakespeare, Chaucer & Milton
27. Chapstick
28. Surprises I don't see coming
29. Shade
30. Guys opening doors
31. Knowing I'm loved by the Creator of the Universe, unconditionally

Pop Culture Heroines

And no, this post is not about drugs :) I was looking through my DVD collection the other day, particularly the TV boxed sets. Titles like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Alias," "Dark Angel," and "Veronica Mars" stared back at me. I think our society has a fascination with Heroines today. With the addition of "Bionic Woman" (and probaby more in this sub-genre to follow), it's evident that it's speaking to people on some level. Why?

Obviously on a level, it's a an influence of feminism (girl power in all it's glory). But I think it's a reflection our society and how it's changed over the last half a century. The United States of America that my grandmother & mother grew up in, is not the one I'm living in currently. As a woman we're no longer expected to get through high school/college, get married and raise a family the rest of our lives (which is a wonderful thing to do by the way, if possible --but it's not necessarily the norm any more). We have so many options today. I think these Heriones embody the idea that a woman can do anything: from being an international spy, vampire slayer, slueth, private eye, bionic woman, mutant -and still have time for a day job, relationship, social life, and shopping. Who wouldn't want to be a super-hero/heroine these days?

But then comes the cost of these new options: sacrificing the relationships & friendships for the job. Someday I would love to write a paper comparing all these shows and how they relate to society's expectations of women, but that's for another day. If you look at the majority of these shows, the girl never really can settle down with just one guy becuase the guy can't handle her "line of work" ( with the exception of Sydney), and she is always justifying her calling/job/ability to everyone. The Heroine impacts those she gets out of trouble positively, but hurts those close to her because she can't meet their expectations.

Not a very positive enviroment. I think what attacts female audiences (I can't speak for the guys) is the idea that you can make a difference in the world and be a part of something bigger than yourself. I think the key is realizing that you can make a difference, even if you're not a female super-spy, or Private Detective. It might be in smaller ways, like actually raising your family, excelling at work -or maybe if you get the chance to go half-way across the world: TO GO. I believe God gives us our own personal adventures, and instead of comparing them with everyone else's, we just need to trust He knows what He's doing and hang on for the ride.

I love the shows I mentioned above, for various reasons. Check them out if you haven't (even the one with the Vampire Slayer) because they're hilarious and thought provoking. I'm excited to see where my personal adventure is going to lead me :)

Chatter

It's been an interesting, exciting, emotionally draining/fulfilling week :) I know, I shouldn't be able to have an oxymoronic week literally, but I do -every week. I think it's what keeps me going. The unknown is tranforming in my eyes from an adversary to a blessing. The drastic changes mixed in with the metro-gnome rhythm of the daily grind, which is later confounded by beautiful surprises and discoveries -are what make my life special and rewarding.

Five years ago, faced with this kind of life -I would have run away as fast as my short legs could carry me, screaming. The control freak has discovered that she has a little bit of a free spirit in her after all. There are times when I am overwhelmed by the chaos, and others where I just let it wash over me, trusting that Jesus can keep my head above its waves.

These ramblings are deep, and honestly I didn't think they would head in this direction. But I'm glad they did. It's been awhile since I've been able to pen my thoughts-I didn't realise there was more poetry than prose hiding, waiting to escape :) Normally I'm to the point and brief, but today I guess I'm a little more melancholy than normal. Good times to reflect and to rejoice -that I can reflect and give those reflections to Him. He is good.

LIfe Impact 08

So I got back last night from Denver after a 16 hour drive. Despite the long drive, the whole conference was a blast. This year was weird in that I wasn't a student any longer, but I soon got over that fast and just enjoyed the wisdom of the speakers and the time I got to spend with old & new friends. What I enjoyed the most was seeing the light bulb go on for students as they realized what discipleship, evangelism, and missions meant for their lives and how they could live those callings out daily. I remember when it clicked for me and I've never been the same since.

I also realized just how lucky I am to have the amazing friends I do -friends that live 1000s of miles away, but when we meet up after years, it's like no time has passed. And I'm just as lucky to have the friends that live just around the corner. Jesus has been very good to me.

Fun Facts About the Week:
. Part of our Group that went skiing almost got snowed in for a couple of days (good thing they left the lodge in the 15 min. window they had before the weather got worse!)
. Driving a Mini-Van isn't as bad as I thought it would be, but if I end up ever being a soccer mom I think I'll going to want an SUV.
. Downtowm Denver is quite fun, lots of good stuff to eat and interesting people to meet. (ha, I made that rhyme)
. I didn't actually freeze like I thought I would. And the free shuttle on the 16th Street Mall was amazing.
. If you ever get a chance to visit downtown Denver you should go to the Tattered Cover Bookstore (hippy/outdoorsy feel with really fun old and new books...reminds me of Powells Bookstore in Portland, except more cozy).

Okay I have to be a grownup and start getting ready for work! Later!

Haircuts and Other Improvements

I have to say my favorite gift so far before Christmas is the one that I gave to myself: a haircut. It's been about three months since the last one, and I am loving my hair short again. I know, I know -my hair is normally short to everyone else's standards. It's been having the time to mess with it and try new things.

As for other improvments, a group called the Baptsit Builders came to Christan Challenge a week and a half ago and worked on our kitchen. The volunteered time and and churches around the area pitched in to put in a new sink, fix our cabinets and paint them, paint the walls, and just make the place a lot nicer to look at -as well as being much more functional. It was fun helping them out. And it was very humbling to see these retired couples serving our ministry. I'm very thankful for their kindness and their love for college students and collegiate ministry.

I have a lot to be thankful for at the end of this semester. I survived and thrived this semester and the Father provided for me time and time again. I've got great friends who have supported me and encouraged me through this transition time in my life, and I am so thankful for them as well. I love my "job" and even though it's hard and stretches me spiritually, it's so worth it and I'm learning so much.

Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Finals

So here I am working with college students, and this is the first winter I have not taken finals in 8 years (I'm counting highschool because I took them there as well). It feels weird, but so freeing at the the same time. No tests, no papers, and no homework. It feels wonderful :) I'm not saying my life is peachy-keen by any means, but I'm thankful that I don't have tests on top of what I'm already doing.

I do feel like I've finished a great semester, though :) It went by so fast, and yet it felt like it was SO slow at the same time. I still don't feel like an adult, and I have a feeling I'm not going to feel like an adult until I'm in the Father's presence...maybe not even then. But yay, I'm still alive, not in debt over my ears. I think I've survived and thrived despite the shock of being out on my own for the first time. Looking forward to the Christmas Break and excited to see what the next year is going to bring. Whatever it is, it will be an adventure....that's what I signed up for :) Have a wonderful week!

The Golden Compass

So I've been getting all these emails about boycotting the upcoming movie The Golden Compass, based on the His Dark Materials Trilogy by Phillip Pullman. And no this is not necessarily a plug in that direction. Ten years ago when the books were first published I read them as a 6th grader and loved them. You might ask why when it's reported that the main protagonists "kill" God.

The world that Pullman sets his story in is ruled by a medieval Catholic-like magistrate, where the main people in the church-like magistrate are hypocrits, where they have religion-but not a relationship with their "god." These people are viewed as saying one thing and doing another. Through a series of events that lead the children find the god these people worship, they discover that the god their world worhips is not God at all, but an imposter. When I finished the novels, I was challenged in my faith. Do I say one thing and do another? Is my faith just traditions, or is my relationship with the Creator of the Universe reflected in my words and deeds? And am I worshiping an idol in my life that I am putting in place of God?

I've been reading these books for a decade and it wasn't until the movie started production that I discovered that the author was an atheist and reportedly wrote the books so that he could pen the death of God. And yet, even this information shed some light on the book and the author. Pullman's characters have animal companions that are part of their soul (like soulmates) if they are parted both will die. As a literature major, I know the author is usually reflected in their works and I was reminded of the "soul mates" in the book. Pullman knows we as people are not whole deep down inside, that we are missing something. I know that someone is Jesus. So I pray that Pullman discovers that wholeness one day, cause I think deep down he wants to be connected to something greater than himself.

Why am I on this soap box? I guess I want to challenge people to read the books so that we can dialogue with the culture, instead hearing about the books and discussing it like we've actually read the thing. Isn't that what the world does with the Bible? They hear what it "says" from others who haven't read it and make a judgment without even cracking it open. I guess I'm using this medium of blogging as a way to think out loud and bounce ideas back at people. I think I'm off the soap box :) I'm glad I'm back to blogging world...I needed this. Ha! Hope you enjoyed the ranting if feedback is welcome :)

I've Found My Way Back

So through some slight peer-pressure, I'm back on the blogging world :) And looking back it's been about a year, so I might be a little rusty. A ton has changed during the last year, so maybe I'll have some better material to write on this here blog. But regardless, I think I'm going to enjoy re-connecting with some old friends and making some new. When I have some more time I'll write a little more about what my life has been like in this new season of "adulthood."

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and I'll chat some more later!

So It's Been A While

Goodness. So much has happened these last couple of months. I can't believe the semester is almost over. Well, the next week is going to be crazy for me. So many papers, so little time. But, it will get done. It won't be fun, but I'll survive. I always do :) Hope everyone is having a great Thanksgiving and good luck with the semester!

Sin: It's like a chicken quesadilla.

I know what you're thinking (possibly). What does sin have to do with chicken quesadillas? Well here's my story:

So for the last 2 or 3 years, La Salsa has been my place to eat lunch (not everyday mind you, but whenever I'm around Christian Challenge...formerly know as the Refuge). If you know me very well, you know I find one thing I like at an eating establishment, and stick with it. The Classic Quesadilla with Chicken (or Quesadilla Classica con Pollo) has been my staple at La Salsa. It's made right in front of me and tastes divine.

Well, since I've been back from the summer, this meal has made my stomach upset. And I feel horrible the rest of the day. At first I thought I just wasn't feeling well and that it would go way. But everytime I ate that particlular meal...about an 1 hour later I was feeling sick.

So the logical thing : chicken quesadilla = sick, so if I don't eat it I'll feel great. But this meal is a favorite of mine. And the last week or so, I've been taking the risk and eating it, just because it's my usual and I love it. But really it's not worth it. I was thinking about this situation and was reminded of Paul and that he said that if we know what not to do, and then do it anyway...that's sinning. Wow. I really felt convicted. By choosing to do something that makes me sick, I'm hurting myself and not taking care of the temple that the Father has given me.

So no more Chicken Quesadilla for me. It's so interesting that God can use simple things to teach us so much.

Books

1. Changed your life: The Bible, Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers
2. Read more than once: That list is a pretty long list...but here's a couple : Archangel by Sharon Shinn, Song in the Silence by Elizabeth Kerner, The Blue Sword by Robin McKinley, The Harry Potter Series by J.K Rowling...and so many more
3. Want on a desert island: The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling, The Bible
4. Made you laugh (giggle): The Sisterhood the Traveling Pants Series (laugh, giggle, cry, ect)
5. If you've seen the movies or plays, the book is hilarious: Really don't understand this question. Generally, I don't like it when people make books into movies (Harry Potter & Lord of the Rings are an exception) because they mess it up...and the version in my head is so much better than what I see on the Big Screen.
6. Made you cry: The Giver, This Dark Materials Series by Phillip Pullman
7. Wish had been written: I wish Francine Rivers had written a 4th book in the Mark of the Lion Series
8. Wish had never been written: Freud's Theories
9. Currently reading: Poision Study and Magic Study by Maria V. Snyder...science ficition
10. Fact or fiction: Depends on the mood...transitioning from non-fiction into fiction right now
11. Awesome book that is empowering me: Searching for God Knows What by Donald Miller....amazing. I love the way he thinks and gets me thinking. There is a great chapter about Adam and Eve that makes me smile everytime I read it. As well as one about Romeo and Juliet that is splendid :)
12. Meaning to read: Yeah, when I have time to read things other than what's assigned in class...I would to read 1001 Arabian Nights, To Kill a Mockingbird (again), Crime and Punishment (some time in my life)

Okay I tag Debby!

Loved & Never Forgotten

"He will feed his flock like a shepherd.
He will carry the lambs in his arms,
holding them close to his heart.
He will gently lead the mother sheep with their young."
-Isaiah 40:11


"Pay attention, O Jacob,
for you are my servant, O Israel.
I, the Lord, made you.
and I will not forget you.
I have swept away your sins like a cloud.
I have scattered your offenses like the morning mist.
Oh, return to me,
for I have paid the price to set you free."
-Isaiah 44:21-22

I've been reading Isaiah the last couple of months. I love it. The first half is hard to swallow. Reading about rebuke and the punishment for sinning is tough. But I love how God redeems his people. He doesn't forget them in their suffering. He is a comforter and a savior. He loves. Unconditionally. Even when the objects of his affection don't deserve it, or could never earn it. And He sacrificed His son so that we could be free. Amazing.

I just finished watching X Men 3. There's a scene at the end where Wolverine and the Phoenix have their confrontation and she asks, "You would die for all of them?" and he replies, "No, I would die for you." As much as I hate the outcome after this dialogue, it reminded me what it means to sacrifice. It's when you give up everything. Everything. I don't know where I was going with this, but these are points that have been hitting me lately. Being able to hold things with open hands and trust myself and my life to the God who made me. Who won't forget me. Who loves me. And has amazing adventures in store for me down the road. I have my good days (and definitely my bad days), but it's nice to know that I can always come back to the truth and be refreshed.

Happy 2nd Birthday!

To my blog. Wow, two years on this thing. It's been interesting to say the least.

Hmmm........

I kinda really don't know what to write about :) It pretty much feels like blogging has died. I don't know why...maybe it's run its course? Or maybe it's because this semester is so stinkin' busy, that could be it too. I guess I'll stick it out and see what happens.

Twenty-two doesn't really feel different than 21. Well, in small ways maybe. Like the fact that I'm not 21 anymore and supposed to be even more adult-like (yeah right!). I still don't feel like an adult. It could be the height thing. I mean I haven't grown any since the 5th grade. Oh well, I'm glad I don't have to have everything figured out now.

The scorpions are back. I think I've killed at least 3 or 4 in the house, while having my dad and brother kill the ones that I don't want to deal with. We've had a lot cooler weather (with rain!) the last couple of weeks which is probably driving them indoors. Yuck. And we've found a couple of Tarantulas under cars (one is in a tank in my brother's room right now). The thing I don't want to see is rattlesnakes. I can live with killing the occasional scorpion, or being startled by a big spider....but I HATE rattlesnakes. But, I guess that's what I get for living in a desert and living in the subburbs. I just pray my brother doesn't think it would be funny to put that big spider in my bed...I'm so glad he was never allowed to have snakes as a child.

Okay, that's all I've got :)

Identity

At some point, it is inevitable that you find yourself and it is up to you to determine whether that moment, that encounter, will be about gladness or about sorrow.”" - Miguel de Unamuno

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us righ twith God, then there was no need for Christ to die." -Galatians 2:20-21

So many thoughts and memories have been coursing through my head these last couple of weeks. I haven't had much time really to do a lot of thinking with the way my schedule has been...so my thoughts have been keeping me up at night -there are some times that I wish I could turn my brain off...with a switch or somthing :) And I'm finding that these thoughts have a lot to do with "Who is Sarah now?" "How do I take with what I discovered about myself, about the Father -and translate that here?"

Honestly, I'm not a fan of change. Unless, it's something that I want. Or something that I feel I have control over and can supervise (can we say control freak).

A lot of change that has happened in my life the last year or so, has been out of my control. And I faught Him tooth and nail to get what control I could (yeah, like I was ever in control to begin with). Because I had trust issues. And faith issues. I had tried to make things about me and what I wanted. And really it's not about me at all. And that's where the conflict was. And what did He do...He made me wait. I hate change...but I hate waiting more. I learned a lot about myself and how when things are hard...I'll cling to everything but Him, instead of waiting on Him and finding strength (Isaiah 40: 29-31).

So I'm finding myself dealing with change again. And it's a daily choice to give my hopes, dreams, future, emotions, and heart to Christ. Some days are good, others are bad. But, what gives me joy and hope -and is different about this year- is I'm starting to understand what Paul meant by " I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." I have a feeling I'll be struggling most of my life to figure out who Sarah is, and have questions, and wonder why He's allowed things in my life, and so much more...but that it's possible to live life in the world full of change. It's all about trust and knowing truth...and believing the Father.

He is so good! And faithful. And the Provider. And He never changes. As Melancholy as this post sounds, I'm excited to see what He has in store for me. If I've learned anything these last couple of years in college, it's that life is hard -but that He always has something good instore for me. Always.

Wish List

Well, I was trying to think of stuff to write about this weekend and couldn't think of anything too exciting...and then I realized that my birthday is less than 2 weeks away. How scary is that? Yep, turning 22 years old. Crazy. And as I've become older and wiser in these last couple of years, I've learned that people don't know what you want unless you let them know. So I figured I'd post my list here.

WISH LIST:

1) Cards/Letters. Yep, my first love language is words of affirmation. My second is quality time. Card/Letters are like both (cards only count when they have writing other than the writing that the card provides). And snail mail is pretty rare these days, so I enjoy it when I get it.

2) Music from iTunes. I like music. I really missed my CD player this summer...cause for the last 12 years I've always fallen asleep listening to music.

3) Grey's Anatomy Season's 1&2. Yeah, the show's addicting. And I won't be able to watch it this semester.

4) The Little Mermaid Special Edition. I know it's corney, but I think this is my favorite Disney movie of all time.

5) She's the Man. Yeah, this made me laugh a lot. And I could see myself watching it 10 or so more times. Hilarious!

6) I guess this is the end of the the list....I was going to say "Books," but I'm pretty swamped with reading as it is, and there's nothing that I really want at the moment.

This list for some reason, actually took longer than I thought to come up with. I remember when I was like five...there was so much I wanted cause I thought it would make me happy. And now, yeah I like getting stuff for my birthday (i mean, who doesn't?) but I think I enjoy spending that time with the people I care about. That's really what makes me happy. Funny how your perspective changes when you get older. I guess it's the simple things in life, and probably the things I take for granted most that I really enjoy.

Okay, so there is my pathetic list :) Anyways, it's actually been pretty nice weather-wise in ole' Arizona. I've enjoyed the rain. And Holy Cow....we beat BYU Saturday with a 48 yard field goal! That was a nice way to start the season. Senior year is going to be fantastic! Okay, signing out!

Here We Go Again!

So the craziness of school has begun. Wow. The last two weeks have been jam-packed with stuff. I feel like I'm beginning to get my bearings. The first week of school I just felt so overwhelmed with school, being jet-lagged, and trying to figure out where to go from here...and then the fact that this is my last year in school kinda sunk in. Father is so great in that during all this craziness He gave me some quite moments to spend with Him, and has been showing me that He has my semester under control.

And He's been giving me time to process my summer (which was fantastic in case you were wanting to know...honestly I miss it SO much). I've been journaling a lot, trying to write down events that happened, the funniest moments, things that impacted me, the hardest times...so that when those memories become fuzzy in my head, that I can go back to my journal to remember. As well as when I saw Dad move this summer. I don't ever want to forget those times. So I've been really melancholy, and introverted. Could you tell ? :)

And I never thought I would be saying this...but apparently Hurricane John might make a visit to Tucson?! They say he might come inland, as far in as Tucson. But it won't be anything severe. Thank goodness for Mountians...they keep hurricanes and tornados out. I just thought that was weird.

Ummm....I can't think of anything else to say...except if you want to hear about my summer, give me a call and I'd love to talk and hear about YOUR summer as well (those people know who they are). Okay, Here We Go Again...another semester!

I'm Back

I got in last night. It was a long trip and it's good to be home. I'm still sorting through a lot of emotions and memories. Love you all and thanks for yarping. Dad did some amazing things this summer and I was truly blessed and challenged.

Showers

Not the kinda that make you clean (and smell better) but the Baby Shower variety. So today I ran errands and helped my mom pick out stuff for a baby shower that we went to at 2pm. And where did we stop, but Babys 'R' Us. Goodness, I could get on a soap box about how much stuff is in that store and how most of it is pretty useless. All the designer cribs, high-chairs, and whatever else they can think of. I saw twal. TWAL high chairs. Twal looks pretty but you know, the kid is probably going to spit up all over it. I like simple solid colors. I guess that's just it. I like simple. I do like quality, though. And just all the stuff that they tell you that you need to have so that your kid turns out right. Scare tactics. If you don't do this or have that your kid will get such-and-such disorder. And hate you. Have people been around teenagers lately? They hate you on principle. And when I get married and have kids some day, I'm going to do things wrong. I just know I will, not on purpose...but because I'm learning. I'm just thankful that when that is my season in life that the father is going to help me. I mean, he's the ultimate parent. Okay, I'm off the the box.

The shower, on the other hand, was fabulous. And a lot of fun.

The heat here is starting to get to me. So, the only place I can be to escape it is inside. Which, can be very boring sometimes. Okay, most of the time. It's been two years since the last time I was here in June. The other day it was 104 in the shade. Yuck. And it's draining. Another Yuck. I will be quite happy to leave for the summer and have a desire to eat other things besides fruit and pasta. I still haven't seen that bobcat yet, but my dad did get some pictures...so I've kinda seen it in a way. And it hasn't eaten my dog, which is a good thing.

Okay, off to eat some Greek food. Yummy. Talk to you all later!